From the beginning

Where to start? I married my husband back in May 2011. I married him knowing that there was a possiblity of him having a child. Though we had run into the mother, been harassed, and continually told her to do the right steps through the courts. She still did not. My husband told her from day one that he was going to need a paternity test, due to there being other possible fathers, and he would have gladly done it when my step-daughter was born. We had our daughter in February 2013, and still nothing from this woman.

That takes us up to June 2013. He got summoned to go to court for a paternity test. Now we had seen pictures of my step-daughter only online at this point and could see no resemblance. So we didn’t believe her to be his. Come August 2013, she was genetically proven to be his. This rocked our world. He meet her 2 days after we found out, due to her mother pushing her on us. We started to get her every other weekend before the courts even established anything. Before I could even meet my step-daughter I had to apologize for something that was drastically blown out of proportions and didn’t happen the way it was said. With reluctance I did.

Up until the child support was set her mother was very calm and cool. We had thought she may have actually grown up since the last time we saw her. We were VERY WRONG! As soon as she heard about the child support she did a 180. Back to her old self, partying every night and just being irresponsible.

She started talking around town and spreading lies about my husband and I. The first was that we were going to have to pay her $17000, HUGE lie, not even close. Then that my husband had been running from the cops, another cause she didn’t file until May 2013, they delivered the papers on June 2013. Next was that I spread a lie that she was sleeping around on him and broke them up. Biggest lie! She called him herself and told him she was sleeping around. Last is that She was living with him and I was a home wrecker. My husband was living with his parents at this time and my mother-in-law never would have allowed that.

Now, we have had my step-daughter every other weekend and on Wednesdays for about 6 months. At first it started off great, but as the weeks have gone on she has started to get disrespectful and rude. Now she has had a lot happen in her life for only being 4. I am trying to take everything with a grain of salt, but it can be hard.

To point out we were supposed to get her this weekend, but her brother had the flu. So, in our best judgement we said we would skip this weekend, due to not possibly spreading it to our 11 month old. My husband had been sick himself on Wednesday, so he missed visitation that day too. After hearing this her mom blew a gasket. She was saying we were just making excuses and didn’t want her. Again I reiterate WE started to do visitation before the courts even ordered it. If her brother had just the common cold we would have been fine taking her. BUT I have an 11 month old who didn’t get her flu shot in time cause they kept running out. I don’t want to possibly have my little on in the hospital, because of this.

I don’t know how we should go about it, but I want to set up a rule. That is any one in her house is sick (contagious sick) she does not come over, and like wise for our house. Any suggestions? I am going to start a journal to pass back and forth so less verbal communication will be done, and to keep record of it. I again don’t know how to start that or bring that up also. She got snappy with my husband last night when he didn’t call to tell her goodnight. I believe the exact text said, “You going to call YOUR daughter tonight?” He was in the middle of trying to pull my car out of a snow bank, but he called and said goodnight. She can be unbelievable and disrespectful. We messed up her party time for a minute. But my step-daughter’s half brother’s dad took her this weekend. So nothing got messed up for her. He helped raise her, while dating and not dating her mother. He is a good man.

Ok That is the end up until today. I will try to post at least once a week and go from there.

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One thought on “From the beginning”

  1. Hey, Skathleen! Glad to see you liked the idea of the travel journal! As far as not knowing how to bring it up, simply tell her that you heard a counselor recommended a travel journal for communication between blended families to reduce the stress from direct contact. From now on, all of your communication with her will be via the travel log or e-mail. If she tries to contact you on the phone, simply don’t answer and then e-mail her and tell her to e-mail you her issue or wait until the travel journal gets to her because you are no longer going to be addressing her directly. It is perfectly reasonable to skip visitation when someone from either house has been sick. It’s wise not to spread sickness around! If either my step daughter or husband gets sick and has to cancel, they simply reschedule their visit. Maybe the bio mom wouldn’t get so roaring mad if she sees you’re willing to reschedule any cancelled visit and also realize your intentions are sincere. Also, you might point out to her that preschools follow a similar game plan. The preschool where I am an assistant teacher requires kids to be symptom free for 24-hours (without the aid of medication). Good luck with your blog!

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