CPS and Acting out at Mommy’s House

So, again been a while since I posted. I kinda only post when I need to vent. Sorry if you are looking for something happy and cheery about having a step-child, I will say when I don’t post it is going pretty good.

To bring ya’ll up to speed. KR has been spending more time with us. On the weekends we have her, on Wednesday we pick her up at 4 pm and then drop her off on Sunday at 6 pm.  She has stopped having as many meltdowns. She has started to cling to her mom’s ex-boyfriend, whom still lives there cause of the kids. We think it is a little fishy with how attached she is to him.

So now part one of the DRAMA!

KR’s mom has been locking the kids in their bedroom, when they are in trouble. My husband went to pick up KR and saw her locked in her room in timeout, she was kicking the door and broke the frame. Her spoke to her mother and told her she shouldn’t have it that way and should turn it back.  KR only has meltdowns now when we pick her up, she is SCREAMING for her mom’s ex. (weird right?) Which is why she was in trouble. Also she is wanting to stay to play with the little girl next door.

KR’s mom had DCS (CPS) called on her, probably for locking the kids in their room (not for sure I didn’t call). Well she sent my husband a message two days ago, telling him KR would not be spending extra time with him (We will get more to this in part two of the drama). This text ended in a fight. Yesterday, she told him she wanted to sit down and talk. He brought his dad to be a witness.

She started off my saying the DCS told her I CALLED and told them she was beating her kids. My father-in-law told her DCS wouldn’t tell her that and to stop lying about it. My husband said that she could look through my phone and SEE FOR HERSELF that I didn’t call. Then she started saying that her best friend’s ex probably called. She is fishing for someone, instead of taking responsibility of doing something wrong. She says they spent 4 days cleaning a less than 900 sq ft trailer to prepare for DCS, since they were stupid and scheduled an appointment to visit. Oh well her youngest will sing like a canary to them.

Now to part two of the drama.

KR has been acting out badly (Cursing, Hitting, Back Talk, etc..) at her mom’s house. Now at our house she acts like a 5 year old (her birthday was last weekend). Three factors have changed since she started acting out; mommy’s boyfriend (now ex), KR’s new friend next door and KR spending more time with us.  Back to that text I was talking about earlier. She said that she thinks KR isn’t ready to stay with us that long at our house and that that is why she is acting out over there. IF that was the case wouldn’t she act out over here too? Since she was letting us have the extra time, we can’t really argue about her taking that time away. I really don’t think it will be long before she reinstates that. We have seen her hitting her mom’s ex and her mom laughing at it. I don’t know if she realizes that is encouraging that behavior.

Oh and her mom thinks we are idiots. She blocked us from her old facebook and made a new one expecting us to buy that she only has us as friends and we can still see there is an old profile, just can’t click on it. She has her party profile and her I am a great mom profile.

So this is my life right now!

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Melt Downs

So it has been a while, since I posted. We have had an  okay time and not much to report until recently. We offered that if my step-daughter WANTED to spend the night on Wednesday she could, just depending on our work schedules. Well since this has been offered her mom has been using this every week. It is another day to party. I know she isn’t wanting to stay cause she is screaming she doesn’t want to leave. Which I suspect is because she constantly is being told by her mom that we can take her and that she doesn’t want her. I believe that she is scared she will never come home. 

So this past weekend when we picked her up, she was drink Mountain Dew and eating Hot Cheetos. Many times she has had an upset stomach from Hot Cheetos, but yet her mom gave them to her. At bedtime we had a huge melt down and she was wanting to come home. Her mom was out partying already, so this wasn’t possible. I found out that EVERY night at her mom’s house she does this, this is the first time she has ever done this at our house. This was also the first time she had Mountain Dew right before we picked her up. We do not allow caffeine for the kids at our house.

We than kept her the next day cause we had her this weekend anyways. So we thought it would be since less to take her home and then pick her up the next day. During this time she kept talking about her siblings, one I had never meet or heard of. So I asked her about them and she didn’t even know them, just they were her brother. Her mom’s cousin is a friend of mine, so I asked her, cause she should know and she didn’t. Her cousin then went on a rampage cause her mom had told us a lie about a miscarriage. Her cousin got the truth that is was a lie she filled the kids heads with.

The next 2 days went pretty uneventful, She did melt down again on Friday cause she didn’t get to play Polly Pocket before bed. So I set an alarm and had my husband put her to bed. Saturday was uneventful. Then Sunday she started to get mouthy and rude. I grew up that rudeness is not acceptable. Though she is getting told if she does the same thing is done again she will be put in timeout.

Well I will update on the soap opera of my life her in a few weeks.

First weekend since starting the blog

I am a girl scout leader and right now is Cookie time. Though my step-daughter is too young (only by 3 months) to be in the troop, we still let her sell cookies. In March she will be a “full” Girl Scout. So, we gave her mom an order form and told her we would deliver, we can insure that the money will get to us. There were not many orders, but her mother can not be trusted with money.

Back to this weekend. We picked her on Friday and got the cookie order form. My step-daughter has been acting funny lately, like she is out-of-place. We can’t figure this out, Mommy has a new Boyfriend (again), and we think this may be the cause. We finally got her to warm up (again) to us. Our daughter was thrilled to see her and have her half-sister over. She got upset on Friday night at bedtime. Rules of our house is that you clean up before bed. She doesn’t like this rule. Another rule (that really is more of a scare tactic) is that if I pick her toys up they go in the trash. She always picks up when I start helping pick up.

On Saturday, I had a job interview. The weather was horrible so My Husband and the girls came with me. Originally we were going to take them to the indoor park, but My Husband changed his mind. He was getting hungry. My step-daughter didn’t care too much. Though around 4pm she had a birthday party for one of her Mom’s friends. We dropped her off and went to spend some time with my family while waiting. at 6 pm she was ready to be picked up. (So Mommy said) We got there and originally her Mom told use that her new Boyfriend was going to bring her out. Her Mom actually did. She was SCREAMING AND CRYING. Our daughter laughed and screamed with her. It was getting to be a little much. So I distracted her by talking about our Girl Scout meeting the next day. We got home had dinner and let the girls play some. She helped me get some girl scout stuff ready, and in the process I showed her something we were doing to learn our promise. We cut out hands and made the promise sign with them. She then caused the hand to give the middle finger and laughed. I told her that she was not supposed to do this again and that next time she will get in trouble. That that was something that grown ups do. My husband was in our daughter room upset with how she was acting when we picked up. He has been upset lately cause he feels she doesn’t love him and just was with us cause she had to. She went to bed with not much problem.

Sunday, the day of our Girl Scout meeting. We woke up and had breakfast. KR (is what we will call my step-daughter) kept asking about when the Girl Scout meeting was. When I told her is was in about 2 hours, she went back to playing in her room. She came out and said, “I cleaned my room without being asked!” She was so excited about this. I went and checked it and she had done a great job. We started to load up our Girl Scout stuff and went to drop my daughter off. We had a great Girl Scout meeting and KR had so much fun. During the middle of the meeting she was asking me for something and, slipped by calling me Mommy. She immediately corrected her self. I didn’t say anything or make a fuss. Just went with the flow. We went above our cookie goal, so now the troop can go on a field trip in May. KR was so upset when the time came to end. She got quite and stuck out her lower lip. We came home and changed her clothes, back into clean clothes that she wore over. Then went and picked up my daughter and saw grandma and grandpa. Her mom then sends us a message asking us to keep her longer. He agreed. WE had a nice dinner and the girls played. We went to take her home, we arrived about 10 mins early, which we do about every time. We sat and sat and sat for about 30 mins waiting for her to get home. My daughter started scream and crying, because she hates just sitting in the car. FINALLY when she gets home my Husband takes her to the drive and her mother just runs into the house without even seeing her. We leave and think that is that until delivering cookies next weekend.

This morning she send my Husband a text about how we didn’t brush her hair all weekend and now it is tangled. He replied that there is a brush in her room and that she could always ask if she needed help. We figured she was old enough to not need to be told or would ask if she needed help. She had informed us the last 2 weekends that her mom hadn’t been putting lotion on her. She has severe eczema. So we sent lotion home with her. He then told her that she needed to put lotion on KR. Her mother stated that the lotion she bought burned. That she was put allergy cream on her. KR’s eczema has been so painful that she wasn’t able to walk some days. She informed us that she doesn’t know/will brush her own hair. We didn’t know this so, we can and will try to help her grow and learn this.

This is still a learning process for us. I guess when our daughter gets this age we will have it figured out. This growing process is hard. We haven’t started a journal yet, it keeps getting being for got to be done. We also worry that it wont go back and forth.

From the beginning

Where to start? I married my husband back in May 2011. I married him knowing that there was a possiblity of him having a child. Though we had run into the mother, been harassed, and continually told her to do the right steps through the courts. She still did not. My husband told her from day one that he was going to need a paternity test, due to there being other possible fathers, and he would have gladly done it when my step-daughter was born. We had our daughter in February 2013, and still nothing from this woman.

That takes us up to June 2013. He got summoned to go to court for a paternity test. Now we had seen pictures of my step-daughter only online at this point and could see no resemblance. So we didn’t believe her to be his. Come August 2013, she was genetically proven to be his. This rocked our world. He meet her 2 days after we found out, due to her mother pushing her on us. We started to get her every other weekend before the courts even established anything. Before I could even meet my step-daughter I had to apologize for something that was drastically blown out of proportions and didn’t happen the way it was said. With reluctance I did.

Up until the child support was set her mother was very calm and cool. We had thought she may have actually grown up since the last time we saw her. We were VERY WRONG! As soon as she heard about the child support she did a 180. Back to her old self, partying every night and just being irresponsible.

She started talking around town and spreading lies about my husband and I. The first was that we were going to have to pay her $17000, HUGE lie, not even close. Then that my husband had been running from the cops, another cause she didn’t file until May 2013, they delivered the papers on June 2013. Next was that I spread a lie that she was sleeping around on him and broke them up. Biggest lie! She called him herself and told him she was sleeping around. Last is that She was living with him and I was a home wrecker. My husband was living with his parents at this time and my mother-in-law never would have allowed that.

Now, we have had my step-daughter every other weekend and on Wednesdays for about 6 months. At first it started off great, but as the weeks have gone on she has started to get disrespectful and rude. Now she has had a lot happen in her life for only being 4. I am trying to take everything with a grain of salt, but it can be hard.

To point out we were supposed to get her this weekend, but her brother had the flu. So, in our best judgement we said we would skip this weekend, due to not possibly spreading it to our 11 month old. My husband had been sick himself on Wednesday, so he missed visitation that day too. After hearing this her mom blew a gasket. She was saying we were just making excuses and didn’t want her. Again I reiterate WE started to do visitation before the courts even ordered it. If her brother had just the common cold we would have been fine taking her. BUT I have an 11 month old who didn’t get her flu shot in time cause they kept running out. I don’t want to possibly have my little on in the hospital, because of this.

I don’t know how we should go about it, but I want to set up a rule. That is any one in her house is sick (contagious sick) she does not come over, and like wise for our house. Any suggestions? I am going to start a journal to pass back and forth so less verbal communication will be done, and to keep record of it. I again don’t know how to start that or bring that up also. She got snappy with my husband last night when he didn’t call to tell her goodnight. I believe the exact text said, “You going to call YOUR daughter tonight?” He was in the middle of trying to pull my car out of a snow bank, but he called and said goodnight. She can be unbelievable and disrespectful. We messed up her party time for a minute. But my step-daughter’s half brother’s dad took her this weekend. So nothing got messed up for her. He helped raise her, while dating and not dating her mother. He is a good man.

Ok That is the end up until today. I will try to post at least once a week and go from there.

Being a step-mom